Hello and welcome! I’m so glad you’re here. You’ve found the Internet’s only tiny cult of pirates, or perhaps cult of tiny pirates. I have no idea how I got here or how you got here, but I’ve got some ideas about where this thing could go, and I sure hope you’ll come along for the ride.

I’d first like to introduce myself as cult leader Victoria. I’ll be running this blog due to a severe lack of other cult members who could do it instead. I’ve got lots of expertise when it comes to running cults, so you can trust me to head up this operation with professional discretion and admirable fiscal responsibility. My resume includes such memorable professional endeavors as the Hanger Cult™ that I started in my second year at a summer camp, and my anti-IRS embroidery cult, which has steadily growing membership. For more information on these cults, please stay tuned.

Your first question might involve the purpose of this blog. For the moment, it’s going to serve as an online journal for me to explore topics that interest me and share some of the odd things I experience, as well as work on my comedy writing. My hope is to use this blog to grow as a writer, thinker, and comedian. Please bear with me as I work to improve these skills, it’s going to be a journey.

There is only one way to join the TinyPirateCult, as of right now: read this post, and plan on reading the next one. This cult will center on critical thinking from this day forward, as well as regular financial contribution, but that part will come much later (remember, I pride myself on fiscal responsibility). Future posts will ask you to fulfill your cult membership duties by reflecting on hard hitting current issues like cancel culture, rest as a necessary part of health, religious evolution, and whatever the hell happened in the first episode of Middleditch and Schwartz. I will also be sharing with you anecdotes from my personal life as part of a series I hope will one day become a comprehensive “How Not to Live Your Life” manual. We will better the world by expanding our minds and our pockets. And we’ll have a lot of fun doing it. 

I hope to see each and every one of you in two weeks’ time for our first cult foray into an odd niche topic: the identity of my hometown, Tulsa, Oklahoma. See you then.